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Sunday, 6 July 2003

(Letter 027)

To whom it may consern,

My boyfriend and I are getting quite serious and a few day ago I took him to meet my parents, and they did not seem to approve. My father, in particular, showed no liking for him and treated him rather cooly. My mother, on the other hand, didn't really say anything. I want my parents to accept him but they don't seem to be giving in. I tried talking to my father but he just started to lecture me about something and asked me if I really liked this guy or not and pleaded with me to look for someone else but I don't want to. What should I do?

Yours truly,

Laíoneth the Torn Harted
Dear Laioneth the Torn Harted

Why is it that the young these days have so little faith in true romance and love? Clearly you do not understand the fate of fathers or the role of daughters. Have you learnt nothing from reading your literature?

There's a role of love-struck heroine just waiting for you to dance along with and you want to throw it away?

It is the way of fathers to set themselves against their daughter's choice. How else otherwise would spoony young men accomplish anything in Doriath? Bring your boyfriend once again before your father but this time don't do all the speaking for him. Let him address your father and decree that you are the loveliest Child of the World. Let this guy really work your father up, so that your father, too, begins to recall a treasure that is withheld from him. In this way are rash oaths taken and the doom of the world nudged along.

This is my cunning counsel and if my eyes have not lost their sight, follow it and you will have lays as beautiful as any of the ancient ones written about you.


(Letter 028)

Dearest Question-Answerer:

I am worried about my roommate. She is obsessed with a hobby of hers. She sits in front of a moving picture looking at it all day-or rather all night. She sleeps during the day to be on the correct schedule for this hobby. While she is watching her moving pictures, she presses some buttons to manipulate the pictures she sees. She actually claims to be able to communicate with people through his device-with people from all over Middle-Earth! I think she might be in control of some sort of dark magic...

She sits almost trance-like all day when she doesn't have to work. Sometimes she even skips work to watch her pictures and 'talk to her friends.' At random times while staring at her pictures, she bursts into laughter for no apparent reason. Then, she looks up as if I understand the joke! Does she think I have heard the punchline?! Is there any way I can help her? Do you think I have anything to worry about?

From Worried in Wilderland
I was once worried that my husband spent many hours speaking to someone I could not see. He communicated with this entity often, usually modifying his behavior to make access easier for the both of them. Sometimes he would disappear for hours. I felt quite ignored. Finally, though, I threw myself into my work, which has since received much praise. Now, the time we spend together is even more special. Ask your roommate to say hi to Illuvatar for me.

Varda, the Star Kindler

(Letter 029)

To He or She (To Maintain Gender Equality) Who Has Enough Liesure Time to Read The Following:

Next year I'm going to high school. Well, actually, this fall, but next semester. Anyway. I applied to the school on Track A because my sister is on that track, but they rejected me, so I applied to Track C and got in. I then began the painful process of lying to myself, saying I prefered the program on Track C and it was better for me. Just as I was beginning to believe myself--Track A accepted me! My mother guilted me into choosing Track A over Track C before I had time to stop and think. Now I'm afraid I would have done better on Track C. All I'm doing now is following my sister's footsteps! And I'm not her! She's so good at everything, and I am not. I guess what I'm trying to say here is, WHAT SHOULD I DO? Am I selfish for wanting to be on Track C when it would inconvenience my family but provide a better learning environment?


The Green Avenger
Dear Avenger-

I know that it is sometimes necessary for siblings to make different choices in life. If you are the power and glory type, like I was, I advise choosing whichever track will get you your own kingdom to rule the fastest. However, if you are patient like my brother, the track that will give you the most prestige, albeit slowly, would be a wiser choice. However, a word of caution. It is necessary, to a certain extent, to consider how your kin feel about whatever choice you make. Entire kingdoms have been destroyed over less!

Elros Tar-Minyatur

(Letter 030)

Dear Whoever, Someone,

I have a problem that seems to be an attention drawer. I always open the closet and think "What to wear!" And this problem goes to my head so crazily, I went out in my P.J.s once. And it was true embarassment! It is a problem that is itching to be solved! And I thought my friends were crazy!!

Sincerely, Sir Loin of Beef

Hey! Come derry dol! Wondrin' 'bout your fashion?
Don't listen to your friends or the clothes they're trashin'
Yellow boots, blue coats, never mind they're clashin'
Hey now! Loin of Beef! Jammies are your passion!

Tom Bombadil

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