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Sunday, 31 August 2003

(Letter 042)


Here is a problem that canot be solved by somebody as dense as me. Well my mom goes out every night and does not return to 7 am the next morning. She always has bear breath. I am left to feed and take care of my two brothers. I also make sure they get to school alright. She just lost her job and we have rent coming up and my part time job won't cover it. So if we get evicted or forced to leave My brothers and i will be put in an orphanage. We have no family and my mom refuses to take care of her young. Granger is 14 Zachary is 9 and i am two young to have a job so I lie. But I don't know what to do please help.


A Utterly and totally lost sweetpea

As for your mother's bear breath, I can only recommend story-telling as a way of pacifying her. I realize that shape-changers are frightening, but if your story is interesting enough you can get away with whatever you like. The loss of wealth, on the other hand, is a subject with which I am painfully familiar. It is of the greatest importance that you regain what your family has lost. With a proper amount of cleverness and the help of your most powerful friends, you may be able to mount an expedition to do just that. It worked for me. As a matter of fact, I am getting ready to lead another one. Perhaps you would like to join me? You should know that it may be rather dangerous, but one must not let the potential for death overwhelm one's sense of adventure, correct? I'm sure everything will be just fine....

(Letter 043)

Dear whoever has had the misfortune of answering my question,

I have some problems:

1. I am becoming a sort of hermit. I don't go outside during the day, and I don't like to talk to people. I sit on the Internet or read all day and never talk to people. Is there a cure for hermitism??

2. I cannot sleep at night. So I sleep in the day. Might this have something to do with my hermit ism? I try to sleep, but I just get really hyper and start running around.

Is there a cure for either problem?? Why do I like vanilla coke? Well, thanks for all your help!!!

Yours Truly,

The Ugly Barnacle

That is not a problem, yes. We sleeps in the day too. When we has to go out in the day we hate it! We hates the Pale Face as well, it looks at us, precious. It sees us, sees into us, into where we don't want seen. It is not so bad as the Yellow Face, though. It burns!


(Letter 044)

To the guy who bothers to listen to us,

my dogs bite me all the time

from Fingerless

Dear Fingerless,

I know exactly what you mean. One might think that a hound born in Valinor itself would at least guarantee a modicum of loyalty, but no. Not even a dog that can speak can be trusted not to bite the hand that feeds it.

Just think: from the moment that Oromë presented me with that ingrate Huan he'd received the best treatment a hound could wish for. I'd even made him the leader of my hunting pack, entrusted with missions for which even my Elven retinue were too unreliable. One sight of a pretty pair of legs, though, and he's off helping my sworn enemy. Why, I was even attacked myself when only trying to claim what should have been ours by right: imagine! a mere human claiming the daughter of Thingol, when marriage to her would have made my family the most powerful in the Hither Lands. What a waste! Still, what can one expect a dog to know about politics.

Console yourself. Little joy did the disloyal beast have in his new masters, who led him to his death. I wouldn't have introduced him to the mightiest wolf that had ever lived. I mean to say what were those idiots thinking? I'd sworn an oath by Ilúvatar Himself to retrieve those blasted jewels, and even I wasn't going to just walk into Morgoth's stronghold and pull the old 'sing the baddie a lullaby' trick. Do they think that we're living in a cartoon!

I think that the main point is this: dogs are stupid. Just keep your hands away from them and you should be fine.

(Letter 045)

To whomever would take up my question:

I have a strong desire to create something beautiful and enduring, and yet, I find myself caught up in the trivia of every day. I cannot seem to find the spark that would allow me to tap in to the truly artistic and beautiful; instead I end up having to do drudge work all day, every day. How can I escape this rut and get in touch with the realm of beauty I so wish to experience and draw from to create great works?

Forest Wanderer

Beauty is discovered through the mastery of stillness. Cease your forever wanderings, and learn the essence of being. Alternatively, purchase a colouring-in-book from any reputable children's bookstore.

My bark is worse than my bite,

Old Man Willow

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