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Sunday, 7 September 2003

(Letter 046)

To whom it may concern.

It seems that lately I've been losing my temper a lot. I lash out at friends and family and then afterward I feel really bad about it. But everything they do annoys me. What can I do to tame my temper?

From Megs

Well, Megs, I remember a time when a particular fellow could bring out the temper in me faster than a pig eats acorns, as my Gaffer used to say. Seems I was always up about something those days. Part of it was the particular fellow, of course, so you might think about changing your surroundings, but another part was being so plumb tired out all the time. I blame the lack of good home-type foods. Elvish waybread is fair stuff, but it don't cure a hunger like a good coney and taters. So find yourself a mess of taters and maybe a good snort of pipeweed and ignore the slinkers and stinkers.


Samwise Gamgee

(Letter 047)

Dear Random Person Who Happens To Read This Letter, If It Is Even Read,

I was just wondering, why doesn't Pippin or Merry ever answer any questions? Do you think they are incapable of answering questions? Or are they merely on vacation? Or did you kidnap them and tie them up and hide them in your broom closet? Let us all hope the last one did not happen.

A Wondering Person

Mr. Pippin and Mr. Merry are very busy gentlemen. The Thain of the Shire has a good many letters to write, as does the Master of Buckland, and yours must have been lost somewhere. You'd think they'd be more careful with such things by now. As to your other question, I can't say as I've ever seen either Mr. Pippin or Mr. Merry anywhere near a broom closet, though my old Gaffer's always said a spell of sweeping would do Mr. Pippin good, even if it might do less for the floor. Myself, I disagree; he did quite well at scouring the Shire, I thought. But, begging your pardon, I'm not at all certain what it was you meant to ask them. Whatever it was, it does seem odd that you'd prefer their answers to those of Mr. Frodo, who is nearly as wise as Gandalf, I'd say. Then again, I suppose you didn't want to trouble him with such things, which is very sensible of you, so you'll just have to be content with an answer from your humble servant,

Samwise Gamgee

(Letter 048)

Dear Grave Matters:

I recently met a really sweet guy, and I like him a lot, but the problem is he lives all the way across the country. What's the best way to handle a long-distance relationship?


Dear Firnuialwen,

As my gaffer used to say, love's better kept as far as you can reach it. Of course, I didn't need reach no further than Bywater, but it took what I would call a long-distance trip for me to work up the nerve to approach my sweetie. Though looking back at things, I'm not sure we'd have had the chance for a serious relationship if I'd never come home. She'd have had plenty of other lads seeking her attention, as I'm sure a young lass like yourself has. And thinking more about it, I surely wouldn't have wanted her to be straining to keep up with me when happiness was right there in town. I sure am glad she waited, but if this fellow isn't coming to your Farthing any time soon, I recommend looking locally for companionship.


Samwise Gamgee, Esq.

(Letter 049)

Dear Grave Matters,

I am wondering, is it possible to be too obssessed?


Arthien of Mirkwood

Master Frodo always says that a person ought to try and keep his head where it ought to be, facing ahead of him where he's going. As far as I wander though, that's where Master Frodo is.


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